Thursday, December 21, 2006

Keatsian advent calendar

I thought I was flirting with blasphemy in my last entry, but this beats all. Thanks to my Eastern European friend for recommending this devotional practice.

I probably won’t be posting for a while. Merry Christmas, blogosphere!
Righteous are you, O Lord,
and right are your rules.
You have appointed your testimonies in righteousness
and in all faithfulness.
My zeal consumes me,
because my foes forget your words.
Your promise is well tried,
and your servant loves it.
I am small and despised,
yet I do not forget your precepts.
Your righteousness is righteous forever,
and your law is true.
Trouble and anguish have found me out,
but your commandments are my delight.
Your testimonies are righteous forever;
give me understanding that I may live.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Trolleys, bunnies, and Keats

Three inordinate affections of mine in one entry!

The trolley is decked out for Christmas. I have not mastered the art of photographing it, although I try every chance I get. But I think you can at least dimly sense how attractive it is.

About the bunny: the more I think about this adorable creature that will soon share my home, the less I can understand why anyone would ever want any other kind of animal. Bunnies seem to have all the merits and none of the drawbacks of pets in general. My friend cautioned me tonight—after I had mentioned how much I already missed having the bunny, and when I dismissed today’s woes by saying that everything would be better when I got a bunny—that maybe I needed to lower my expectations or risk serious disappointment. All I can say is, be prepared for Christmas cards with photos of me and the bunny next year. Maybe the best way to end one’s annoyance with pet-obsessed people is to become one.

Now I’m going to finally catch up with my reportage of Keatsmas. There’s no way I can write about it without writing about my friend the gorgon. I feel like an imposter, really, when people act like Keats is my specialty, because Medusa is the one who first loved Keats. I enjoy Keats, but I’m sure I’ve never understood him like she did.

Our little group of literature majors studying abroad one summer found no end of amusement at how seriously she took the dead poet. I must admit some embarrassment, some uncertainty about whether to lose track of the rest of the group or leave her behind as she trudged ever more slowly up Hampstead Heath to the house where Keats had stayed in his illness, muttering things like, “I’m not sure I can handle this.” The towering, brooding Greek with her long, dark waves of hair and the five-foot-two-inch Cockney poet, existential status aside, were an odd couple indeed.

Inside I was wholly charmed by her passionate spirit, her determination to care about things. The day we spent at Blenheim Palace—she, I, and the complete poems and letters of Keats that she insisted on reading entirely, no matter what the syllabus said—is one of the most perfect days of my life. I have no idea what I was reading or writing on that grassy bank overlooking the water, but I relished the frequent excerpts and reactions erupting by my side.

I have celebrated the high holy days pretty religiously, reciting “To Autumn” on October 31, his birthday, and eating only bread and water on February 23, the day of his death at 25. I’m pretty good at slavish rituals, even though for the last few years I thought Medusa had moved on. It has occurred to me that in venerating Keats maybe I have really been venerating my dear gorgon. It made me so happy, almost Blenheim-happy, when she e-mailed me this year and said we must celebrate together.

I never let myself have high expectations for Keatsmas—the only time we’ve celebrated it together in person, it went so dreadfully wrong that Medusa has forbidden me to ever speak of it.

This year I had two pleasant Keatsmas experiences. A few days early I recited “To Autumn” in a dugout for the first time, with an intensely poetic friend, someone who recites poetry better than anyone I’ve ever heard, as we gazed at barred clouds across the baseball diamond; and then that evening I recited it via cell phone to the gorgon as she was being rowed to her sailboat in a dinghy off the coast of Massachusetts. I’m sure she had never heard “To Autumn” in a dinghy.
I hate the double-minded,
but I love your law.
You are my hiding place and my shield;
I hope in your word.
Depart from me, you evildoers,
that I may keep the commandments of my God.
Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live,
and let me not be put to shame in my hope!
Hold me up, that I may be safe
and have regard for your statutes continually!
You spurn all who go astray from your statutes,
for their cunning is in vain.
All the wicked of the earth you discard like dross,
therefore I love your testimonies.
My flesh trembles for fear of you,
and I am afraid of your judgments.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Blogger is best


I did some experimentation the other night and decided to stick with Blogger. Although I am in love with Wordpress, it has a size limit (unless you pay) and I want to be able to keep uploading my photos until kingdom come. And although Wordpress’s canned templates are lovely and Blogger’s are hideous, Blogger allows you to modify your template, and Wordpress doesn’t (unless you pay). I hope someday to find the time to make my blog visually exquisite.

Alas, there is one thing I would dearly like to have, and that is the “recent comments” sidebar item you can get in Wordpress. How else will you know that I have added a significant comment to the post on yams? It is important to read it, because it completely alters the existential equilibrium reached at the end of the main post and proves that life is forever unresolved.

I am never going to catch up with all the things I want to write about. There are times when I have nothing to blog about and there are times when I have billions of things. Currently I have billions.
Oh how I love your law!
It is my meditation all the day.
Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies,
for it is ever with me.
I have more understanding than all my teachers,
for your testimonies are my meditation.
I understand more than the aged,
for I keep your precepts.
I hold back my feet from every evil way,
in order to keep your word.I do not turn aside from your rules,
for you have taught me.
How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!
Through your precepts I get understanding;
therefore I hate every false way.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Happy visit review


I went to the Texas State Fair twice this year. I still didn’t see all there was to see. I love the Texas State Fair. But the coolest thing was the people who went there with me.

First, I took a friend I’ve known since first grade who came to visit me for a weekend. I treasure my times with faraway friends, and this is the first time an old friend from my hometown has come to visit me on my home turf. I’m not used to being around someone who shares so much of my life history. It was very refreshing.

My grandparents stopped by a couple days later. I went to the fair again with them. Their average age is 80, as they put it, and they traveled around the country in a camper van for several months this year. They used to run a campground in the summers, and Grandpa was a forest ranger for a while, and they still cultivate their adaptability.

“You know, we’re campers,” Grandma says when I apologize for the limitations of my guest suite. “We’re used to it.”

My friends and coworkers were amazed to hear that they slept on my futon for a couple of nights. We walked all over Dallas in cold weather. We rode buses and trains and trolleys. We climbed in and out of my little two-door car. As octogenarians go—as anyone goes—they’re low-maintenance guests.

It has struck me lately that Grandma and Grandpa never complain. Being with them is nothing but pleasure. Grandpa is curious about everything and has great stories. Grandma is humorous and sincere. They’re both good at being grandparently, making you feel special and interesting and loved. And I like seeing them work together like people who’ve been together for decades and decades do.
Forever, O Lord, your word
is firmly fixed in the heavens.
Your faithfulness endures to all generations;
you have established the earth, and it stands fast.
By your appointment they stand this day,
for all things are your servants.
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have given me life.
I am yours; save me,
for I have sought your precepts.
The wicked lie in wait to destroy me,
but I consider your testimonies.
I have seen a limit to all perfection,
but your commandment is exceedingly broad.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Yams


In the kitchen at work, as I was preparing some coffee, my ears sent me rumors of a conversation on a topic that greatly concerned me. Were they really talking about the difference between sweet potatoes and yams in the reception area just outside? It became clearer and clearer to me that they were. Eventually, as I hovered closer and closer, their eyes turned to me, and to me they directed the wobbling queries that had been looping around in ever-wilder orbits of indecision.

There are many cases of children being raised in exotic locations and coming back to the dreary colonial homeland with airs of Kubla Khan. These insufferable children, described with sympathy in Frances Hodgson Burnett’s books, for example, alienate their playmates with the false grandeur they feel for having seen untamed landscapes and eaten indescribable tropical fruits. I am afraid I might have been such a child for a while after a short, barely remembered Caribbean sojourn in my near-infancy, and I now take pains to avoid projecting such privileged superiority. Still, when yams are misidentified I feel it deeply.

Sweet potatoes are clearly understood. When asked to indicate a sweet potato, no one will hesitate to point out the lovely orange potatolike root with its delicious properties and important vitamins.

However, a horrifying number of people, especially in the South, will call this same tuber a “yam.” My mother used to cook yams. If you have ever tasted their dense, buttery texture, their sweet, hard, grainy flesh, you will know that this is an unforgivable confusion. It is hopeless to explain it to anyone, for the reasons mentioned above and because yams are not commonly available here.

Does this explain the immense good fortune of being asked to discuss the difference between the two vegetables, twenty-three years after my transplantation to this country, at 9:30 in the morning in an office building in Dallas? And after a heartfelt exposition on the subject, allowing all the respect in the world for those who retained their own (mistaken) opinions, to receive this vindicating link from a coworker who had researched the matter after our conversation?
My soul longs for your salvation;
I hope in your word.
My eyes long for your promise;
I ask, “When will you comfort me?”
For I have become like a wineskin in the smoke,
yet I have not forgotten your statutes.
How long must your servant endure?
When will you judge those who persecute me?
The insolent have dug pitfalls for me;
they do not live according to your law.
All your commandments are sure;
they persecute me with falsehood; help me!
They have almost made an end of me on earth,
but I have not forsaken your precepts.
In your steadfast love give me life,
that I may keep the testimonies of your mouth.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Paris frames

The previous photo (before Chevènement) was on Mockingbird Lane in Dallas. Maybe you are beginning to guess the theme.
You have dealt well with your servant,
O Lord, according to your word.
Teach me good judgment and knowledge,
for I believe in your commandments.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I keep your word.
You are good and do good;
teach me your statutes.
The insolent smear me with lies,
but with my whole heart I keep your precepts;
their heart is unfeeling like fat,
but I delight in your law.
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
The law of your mouth is better to me
than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Chevenement


I just discovered that a former neighbor of mine is once again running for president of France. Above are a couple of pages of the scrapbook my friend and I kept back in those months when we lived so close to him.
The Lord is my portion;
I promise to keep your words.
I entreat your favor with all my heart;
be gracious to me according to your promise.
When I think on my ways,
I turn my feet to your testimonies;
I hasten and do not delay
to keep your commandments.
Though the cords of the wicked ensnare me,
I do not forget your law.
At midnight I rise to praise you,
because of your righteous rules.
I am a companion of all who fear you,
of those who keep your precepts.
The earth, O Lord, is full of your steadfast love;
teach me your statutes!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Eternal sunrise


After a disappointing dry spell, On the Bus Today has some great recent entries. I laughed out loud today at “A tale of two journeys,” “Santa,” “Giant,” and “Seat!”

I wish I had had a camera at White Rock Lake yesterday afternoon. I was running before sunset, and the sky stayed pretty the whole time. Not the bright sunset light you see a lot in Texas, but a pale winter sunset. The lake was sapphire-blue, sparkling, and the clouds were amethyst, and the rushes and the grass by the lake were minty green. I was on the shadowy side of the lake and the ground where I ran was in that dead light, cold and pale. There is one place where I run on the grass down a hillside, and I felt like I was in northern England or Scotland in the summer when it’s still light in the late evening, silver-green grass, silver-yellow dead grass, silver-blue sky, none of it quite gleaming but almost, rolling fields of grass, ruins of castles certainly lurking over the next hill. I am in between reading a book on Alaska and a book on medieval Wales, which probably explains my geographical illusions. On the long days in Alaska, when the sun never really rises or sets, are there hours and hours of pretty sunset skies?

I want to do some reflection about 2006. Mostly it’s been a really hard year for me, because of the end of an important relationship. I don’t know how you deal with that. But there were lots of good things too. I wanted to do a post-Keatsmas post back in October, and then a Thanksgiving post after I had some special guests. Then last weekend there was the Party of the Century at my apartment, which was vastly fulfilling. Maybe I will do a couple of entries about those things. I hope the coverage does not disappoint because it’s so late. I am also unveiling a new photo series with this entry.
Remember your word to your servant,
in which you have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,
that your promise gives me life.
The insolent utterly deride me,
but I do not turn away from your law.
When I think of your rules from of old,
I take comfort, O Lord.
Hot indignation seizes me because of the wicked,
who forsake your law.
Your statutes have been my songs
in the house of my sojourning.
I remember your name in the night, O Lord,
and keep your law.
This blessing has fallen to me,
that I have kept your precepts.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Coming into the Country


I've praised McPhee’s writing before. His language is felicitous and sometimes startling.

Describing salmon in an Arctic river:
Looking over the side of the canoe is like staring down into a sky full of zeppelins. (p. 6)
He has a subtle and rewarding wit that plays out over the pages.

The grand theme of the book, and one much to my liking, is “the country.” If I were to write my dream novel, it would be one where settings were like characters. I’m not sure how this would be done. People are usually bored out of their skulls by the stuff I write and ask for plot development. So I read McPhee.
The sight of the bear stirred me like nothing else the country could contain. What mattered was not so much the bear himself as what the bear implied. He was the predominant thing in that country, and for him to be in it at all meant that there had to be more country like it in every direction and more of the same kind of country all around that. He implied a world. He was an affirmation to the rest of the earth that his kind of place was extant. (pp. 61-62)
In the society as a whole, there is an elemental need for a frontier outlet, for a pioneer place to go—important even to those who do not go there. (p. 436)
It’s true; I think. Nothing frees the soul quite like knowing there's somewhere to go, that like Huck Finn we can light out for the territories if things go wrong around here.

Many of the characters in the book are fiercely self-reliant.
I once asked [Ed Gelvin] if there was anything that could go wrong around his place that would cause him to seek help from elsewhere. He looked off into the distance and carefully thought over the question—this compact and gracefully built man of fifty or so with thick quizzical bifocals, a shy smile, a quiet voice. Finally, he said no, he guessed there wasn’t. (p. 233)
I find this all extremely appealing. I have always loved survival stories. I have welcomed the chance to learn new skills, just in case I ever might need them. Personal responsibility is one of my highest values.

There is a lot of talk of community these days, especially in my current social milieu, and who can deny its importance? I owe everything to my family and friends. It’s foolish to trust yourself and rely on yourself. We don’t see clearly, and we need correction. I couldn’t last a minute outside Eagle, Alaska, and all my fantasies of surviving like Robinson Crusoe are silly. Most of us need help frequently.

But it is important to do everything you can do to be a strong and responsible human being. That’s how you make a contribution to society. I have tons of admiration for the industrious, energetic people in this book who take care of themselves and have the power to be generous to others.
Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes;
and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments,
for I delight in it.
Incline my heart to your testimonies,
and not to selfish gain!
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;
and give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise,
that you may be feared.
Turn away the reproach that I dread,
for your rules are good.
Behold, I long for your precepts;
in your righteousness give me life!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Bunny


Bunny, so peaceful and intellectual, may soon have a companion. I’ve been joking about getting a live (notice I don’t use “real” to distinguish it from Bunny) rabbit for a while now and have decided that a fluffy lagomorph, hopping pleasantly across the carpet, gnawing sweetly on my computer cords, is no longer just a fantasy; it would greatly enhance the wellbeing of those in my household. I intend to do research for a few weeks and start seriously looking for one when I get back from Christmas vacation.
My soul clings to the dust;
give me life according to your word!
When I told of my ways, you answered me;
teach me your statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word!
Put false ways far from me
and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O Lord;
let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments
when you enlarge my heart!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Stranger on the earth


Last year my pastor had us read a stanza a day of Psalm 119 as an advent devotional. I liked the novelty of this, so I’m doing it again, and suggesting it on the blog in case you think it sounds good too. You don’t even have to go out and buy anything! You have to start the first day on December 4 to end on Christmas, so we’re on Gimel:
Deal bountifully with your servant,
that I may live and keep your word.
Open my eyes, that I may behold
wondrous things out of your law.
I am a sojourner on the earth;
hide not your commandments from me!
My soul is consumed with longing
for your rules at all times.
You rebuke the insolent, accursed ones,
who wander from your commandments.
Take away from me scorn and contempt,
for I have kept your testimonies.
Even though princes sit plotting against me,
your servant will meditate on your statutes.
Your testimonies are my delight;
they are my counselors.
Maybe this is perversely appealing for me because I always found this one of the most boring psalms alive. Laws, rules, commandments—how could they possibly have the attraction the writer claims? Is he lying? Why does he repeat himself so much? Is he trying to convince himself? If you faithfully read your part every day, though, you almost start convincing yourself you love the word. There are some cool lines in there every now and then.

I forget the seminary lingo for this, but there’s one way to read the Bible where Jesus lurks behind every statement and description in the Old Testament. It’s not that far-fetched. The people who wrote the New Testament have some pretty creative interpretations of the Old Testament, and they’re in the Bible, so it must be OK.

What if you read it as if Jesus is speaking? He has been known to pass off Psalm quotes as his own words.

While I’m sharing clever tips, I have discovered a very handy approach that defangs two of life’s poisonous tasks. I am a firm believer in abdominal exercise, ever since Foundations of Wellness in college. Apparently a strong stomach also keeps your back strong and pain-free. However, I have a hard time bringing myself to do sit-ups. There’s always something more fun or interesting going on.

Another unpleasant task, during the winter, is taking off your nightshirt and exposing your poor bare skin to the chilly air so you can put on your clothing for the day. I find myself wasting countless minutes thinking about it and not doing it.

Guess what? I have found a way to combine the two unpleasant activities so that neither is unpleasant any more! Just a few sit-ups makes you warm enough to want to take off your shirt even on the chilliest morning! It is absolutely fabulous. I can’t believe I’ve lived nearly 30 years before discovering this efficient and health-promoting practice.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Another brief appellation


Which is a better name, Donut or Kozy? I can see points in each one’s favor. Donut is 25% longer than Kozy. However, Donut has the advantage of being a noun and, what’s more, indicating what the business sells. Neither one would be considered the traditional spelling of the word in the dictionary, but Donut may actually be in the dictionary. Kozy’s hand-sprayed look is more charming.

What’s your vote?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Where the fish are


They adorn a women’s restroom (now closed for the winter) at White Rock Lake. The men’s bathroom has similar embellishments.

There’s a steep hill on the south end of the lake where pedaling doesn’t really do any good, so I like to stand up on the pedals and pretend I am a human sail, slowing the descent of my bike. The sidewalk is narrow along this stretch and curves onto a narrow bridge at the bottom, so I only do this if there isn’t much traffic. It’s breathtaking and fun.

Today, though, as I was unfurling myself and swooping down the hill, something went wrong and I almost lost control of my bike. I hunched down against the handlebars and the seat, braked, and swerved a few times to regain my balance. I wanted to avoid two things: plunging headlong onto the asphalt and hitting an oncoming cyclist. Amazingly, I regained control by the time we passed. What a wonderful vehicle a bicycle is. It’s so much more stable than you think. And I always love finding out that my body knows what to do in these situations.

The oncoming cyclist smiled in a concerned way as he passed me and asked if I was OK. I laughed and said something about how it had been a close call, and I continued on, seated. This was a better scenario (for his sake) than if I had died and the poor guy had had to witness that, but it was a worse scenario (for my sake) than if there had been no one to witness the whole sailing disaster at all.

I had another scene of public humiliation last week as I was walking home from work at dusk and singing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” in full voice. Not just the normal melody part, but the dramatic cadenzas at the end of my high school choir’s arrangement of this song, where you repeat “It’s the most wonderful time” three times, and one of the times the syllable “der” is a step higher than usual, adding a fascinating touch of variety and excitement. I thought I had hit the pitches pretty accurately and was feeling pleased with myself when I heard a shuffling noise to my left, just a bit behind me, and realized a person was standing in their front yard with their dog. I suppose I could have said, “Oh, hi!” but instead I continued singing, a little more quietly, making up more words, until I got out of earshot. This seemed to be the most nonchalant course of action.

I think these humbling occasions are very good for us. I think that not taking oneself too seriously serves one well in life. And it is also good for society in general when we admit our foolishness to each other. It helps us all feel better.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The Secret Agent


Conrad appears to have gotten some criticism for the “sordid surroundings” and “moral squalor” of this tale. Yet when I discussed it with some friends, we all admitted that we had an impression of comedy and even absurdity, not horror. Sure, the plot is scary and tragic, but he treats it in such a way that you are never really scared, just kind of incredulous, and scornful of all the characters.

I know I have read at least one article or review of this book that said it was an illuminating read in connection with September 11. But the mood of the book seemed incompatible with that type of terror.

The book is quite different from Heart of Darkness or Lord Jim. I read those a long time ago, but I don’t remember much humor in those books. I loved Heart of Darkness as an angst-ridden adolescent. I sought out Lord Jim as an angst-ridden college student. The Secret Agent, however, is laugh-out-loud funny at some points, and impossible to ever really take seriously.

However strange this book was, Conrad is a consummate artist, and we were all impressed by his brilliant decisions about when to disclose what, what to disclose at all, and what to have take place offstage. The book was finely crafted.

I am generally more gullible than suspicious as a reader, and I grew in compassion for the characters, who were initially presented with quite a bit of irony and amusement. My friends who read the book did not seem so moved. I found things to admire about most of the characters. Seeing Conrad deal so thoughtfully with a domestic relationship was interesting for me, since I was only previously familiar with his nautical settings. There was a melodramatic scene with gas lamps and a grotesque cabdriver that I enjoyed very much and everyone else seemed to think was dumb.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Mystery fish


Here’s a place I’ve never had the chance to show anyone before. I pass by it fairly often myself.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Bald cypress


It was a lovely day for a bike ride, 60 and sunny. This picture’s a little blurry, but I like it because it captures the interesting colors of the day.

Sometimes, usually at the darker times of the day, the lake is a fascinating iridescent color than I can only describe as the color of magnetic tape or shiny black garbage bags. It is so lovely that I feel bad not having a different way to describe it. It’s mostly a dark, dark blue, but it shows off different brilliant hues with light and movement.

Today the wind was strong, displaying a muddy brown in the shadows of the waves and a slate blue elsewhere. Also you can see that the bald cypresses, White Rock Lake’s signature trees (you can see their attractive cone shape across the lake, where they’re planted at regular intervals from each other, give or take a tree here and there) are turning color. They don’t really lose their leaves, but they start looking like they’ve been scorched in a forest fire. I am very fond of them.

It was a beautiful day, but I think I like the weird times better, the times just around dawn, or on a foggy morning, or in the evening at sunset.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Fellowship of the Ring


This is at least the fourth time I’ve read this book. It’s nice to go back after a few years and still be charmed and delighted. A lot of people think of strange creatures and battles when they think of Tolkien, but what I was impressed by this time was the human subtlety among the characters.
He turned to Strider. “Where have you been, my friend? Why weren’t you at the feast? The Lady Arwen was there.”
Strider looked down at Bilbo gravely. “I know,” he said. “But often I must put mirth aside. Elladan and Elrohir have returned out of the Wild unlooked-for, and they had tidings that I wished to hear at once.”
“Well, my dear fellow,” said Bilbo, “now you’ve heard the news, can’t you spare me a moment? I want your help in something urgent. Elrond says this song of mine is to be finished before the end of the evening, and I am stuck. Let’s go off into a corner and polish it up!”
Strider smiled. “Come then!” he said. “Let me hear it!”
“I want your help in something urgent” seems incongruous at first look. One might judge Bilbo for being insensitive or completely out of touch. This happens often with the hobbits’ speech.
“Strider looked down at Bilbo gravely.”
Much has already been made of the unacknowledged work of Strider and the Rangers to protect an obscure country full of ignorant people. This is a huge, beautiful theme of the books. But there’s more going on here than just Strider graciously overlooking the errors of a bumbling, sheltered, homely hobbit who has been thrust into the world-changing activities of ancient and noble people.

With Tolkien, not all that is being thought is not being spoken. The hobbits know more than they let on, and they have virtues of their own. Here Bilbo is being funny, lightening Strider’s load, and Strider gets the joke. There’s a deeper understanding between people who have learned to trust each other’s character over time.

I think playing with all kinds of levels of seriousness like this, all at once, is great writing.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Herbsttag


Keatsmas is coming fast, and I’ve been meaning to build up to it with at least one other poem. Here it is:
Herbsttag

Herr: es ist Zeit. Der Sommer war sehr gross.
Leg deinen Schatten auf die Sonnenuhren,
Und auf den Fluren lass die Winde los.

Befiel den letzten Früchten voll zu sein;
Gib ihnen noch zwei südlichere Tage,
Dränge sie zur Vollendung hin und jage
Die letzte Süsse in den schweren Wein.

Wer jetzt kein Haus hat, baut sich keines mehr.
Wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben,
Wird wachen, lesen, lange Briefe schreiben
Und wird in den Alleen hin und her
Unruhig wandern, wenn die Blätter treiben.

–Rainer Maria Rilke
Here is my very unscholarly translation. (Feel free to improve it, Scharnhorst!)
Lord: It is time. The summer was enormous.
Lay your shadows along the sundial,
And let the winds loose across the acres.

Tell the last fruits to reach full size;
Give them yet two southerly days,
Bring them to perfection, and chase
The last sweetness in the heavy wine.

Whoever has no house will not build now.
Whoever is alone will stay that way for a long time,
Will wake up, read, write long letters,
And wander up and down the avenues,
Restless, when the leaves follow.
I found an interesting walk-through translation of this poem, in case you’re leery of mine. Of course you lose everything in translation. A particularly problematic line is the first one of the last stanza, which is unforgettable in the German and impossibly awkward in English.

I have no end of admiration for Rilke’s rhythm and beauty of language. I wonder if this poem is something to the Germans like “To Autumn” is to us. It seems likely, and I was delighted to see it on my friend’s German mom’s blog, along with—what joy!—an excellent picture of stubble plains.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Arthur & George

Never read a book if you can discern the reason you’re reading it. Was I unfairly enticed by the idea of Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes, taking on a real-life mystery? I like a good plot as much as the next woman, and I enjoyed Julian Barnes’s Flaubert’s Parrot, so I thought, here we have an author I like, a situation that intrigues me (I own, and have read, The Complete Annotated Sherlock Holmes, which is a delightful example of people taking fiction way too seriously, and yet, what’s wrong with that? There are a lot of worse things to take seriously), and a setting I want to read about (I mistakenly thought the book would take place in Edinburgh).

Well, I was disappointed. Even if one had no expectations from the author and no misapprehensions about the setting, I can’t imagine how the ending could fail to disappoint. And maybe my taste is not subtle enough, but I found hardly any of those extremely interesting ideas that fill Flaubert’s Parrot.

I blame the literary craft. Was Barnes trying to follow a novelistic scheme taught in a writing class or a how-to-sell-your-book workshop? I kind of doubt it, because it wasn’t all that gripping, but it seemed much more conventional than Flaubert’s Parrot. Let’s forget Arthur and George and revisit the book I actually liked.

Flaubert’s Parrot seemed imperfect to me. It didn’t seem like a very cohesive book. I think it took on way too many ideas and didn’t fully develop them. But, in the end, I think I like that better. You read the stuff he says and you think, “Hey, I love what he said. I want to hear more.” Whereas if an author has fully developed his themes, you don’t really want to hear more.

I loved the way Barnes expressed Flaubert’s philosophies in Flaubert’s words and in his own. There were many captivating ideas about writing, which was a well-developed theme of the book. This is great:
Do the books that writers don’t write matter? The imagination doesn’t crop annually like a reliable fruit tree. The writer has to gather whatever’s there: sometimes too much, sometimes too little, sometimes nothing at all. And in the years of glut there is always a slatted wooden tray in some cool, dark attic, which the writer nervously visits from time to time; and yes, oh dear, while he’s been hard at work downstairs, up in the attic there are puckering skins, warning spots, a sudden brown collapse and the sprouting of snowflakes. What can he do about it?
There are entries I’ve planned for this blog that are right now puckering and sprouting snowflakes. It’s weird how something completely irrelevant to this world (are any of the posts I do actually post relevant to contemporary existence?) can still have an expiration date.

And even though I was frustrated by the woefully inadequate development of the narrator’s own history, I think it was vividly described in mentions here and there:
And you do come out of it [mourning a death], that’s true. After a year, after five. But you don’t come out of it like a train coming out of a tunnel, bursting through the Downs into sunshine and that swift, rattling descent to the Channel; you come out of it as a gull comes out of an oil-slick. You are tarred and feathered for life.
The reader knows next to nothing about this death. But sometimes it’s best just to say a little bit. It has more impact. You get an idea of what’s happened, but not too much. You never really get to the bottom of it. Life is like that too. I won't even get started on what he says about love. I want to include one last quote about reading. I’ve had conversations like this that raise similar questions about the pointlessness of writing. I have what I think are good motivational answers, but I just want to share the beautifully expressed question for now.
Some people, as they grow older, seem to become more convinced of their own significance. Others become less convinced. Is there any point to me? Isn’t my ordinary life summed up, enclosed, made pointless by someone else’s slightly less ordinary life? I’m not saying it’s our duty to negate ourselves in the face of those we judge more interesting. But life, in this respect, is a bit like reading. And as I said before: if all your responses to a book have already been duplicated and expanded upon by a professional critic, then what point is there to your reading? Only that it’s yours. Similarly, why live your life? Because it's yours. But what if such an answer gradually becomes less and less convincing?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

How about Donut?


Nothing pretentious about this establishment.

Friday, October 06, 2006

On the bus today


I stumbled across the most fabulous blog with Blogger’s “next blog” feature. Someone is faithfully writing about their experiences riding the bus every day.

I love riding buses. There was a year in high school when I had to ride the bus through its entire first route around the other end of town after school (there weren’t enough buses, so many of them did two routes) and then the bus would pick up its second load of people and head for my neighborhood. It took a long time to get home. But I really liked it. In the days of wires and cords, you weren’t really expected to be doing six other things to maximize your time on the bus, and it was a very peaceful ride. I just like looking out the window.

This blogger chronicling the daily bus rides has a good sense of humor and detachment. I think it’s a grand idea. I thought about having a category of posts on this blog talking about our daily commutes, but that seems like it might be dangerous, since we are all so eminently stalkable.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Countdown to Keatsmas


As October 31 approaches, I recommend that all aesthetes memorize “To Autumn.” It’s a life-strengthening task, a sense-thickening feat, a time-enriching devotion. I can still remember how it felt to exist the morning I began to memorize it. I spent an hour or two in the periodicals section of Buswell Library, not the most picturesque location in the world, but the one that consistently won the Record’s award for “best chairs to sleep in” on campus. There are windows in that part of Buswell, and the light elated me as I half-drowsed and drank in the words of that great, ambitious, lively poet of indolence.

Every year I have found a willing or quasi-willing audience for a recitation of this poem. More often than not this weird birthday celebration is disappointing and humiliating for me. But I still recommend the memorization experience for everyone, whether anyone ever cares to listen to you or not. There is no doubt that you will be the happier for learning this poem.

1.

SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss’d cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
For Summer has o’er-brimm’d their clammy cells.

2.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap’d furrow sound asleep,
Drows’d with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

3.

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,—
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,*
And touch the stubble plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

* The picture above is the closest thing I have to a picture of barred clouds. Usually the venue for a Keatsmas recitation is selected for the presence of stubble plains, or at least an open sky upon which to observe said clouds. In the absence of stubble plains, a lake makes a very pleasant setting.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Back in time


I want to share some experiences from a trip I took a month ago. These scenes may seem weird, but for me they were refreshing and encouraging. I think I’ve lived in the city too long.

It’s an overcast Labor Day in Quanah, where the panhandle meets northeast Texas. Nothing is moving in all of historic downtown except me and a kid on a bicycle. Nowhere here looks like anywhere anyone would want to go, even on a business day. The department store has closed down. The bookstore has two empty shelves straddling the floor at odd angles. I finish my sandwich and drive back towards the highway, past the courthouse square. As I pass the courthouse on my left, I see three men come out of the police station on my right. The first one is a tall sheriff in a ten-gallon hat and long dark brown pants. I don’t remember anything about the second one. The third is a prisoner, without handcuffs, in a baggy black-and-white-striped suit, glaring at me.

It’s late afternoon and it’s raining now, 100 miles from Dallas. I pull off for gas but the pumps are all taken. I park and wait in a long line for a sticky blue bathroom while flies and small kids circulate around me. When I get to my car again I see that the gas station next door is completely free. I guess it’s because the three gas pumps, one for diesel, one for super unleaded, one for regular unleaded, are exposed to the sky. So I drive over. The lower half of an inscription (“after 9 p.m.”) is taped to the pump, written on a lined piece of paper in blurred magic marker. It’s not raining too hard. When my tank is full I remember the amount and go inside, where the clerk puts her cigarette down in the ashtray and smiles at me. There are a couple of families waiting for their food in the next room over, a warm, ugly old diner. “$18.93,” I say, handing her a $20, since the sign in here says they don’t accept credit cards. There is a jar full of black plastic combs on the counter by the register, 49 cents each.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Legolas, Galadriel, and God


Legolas used to annoy me a lot, with his superior Elf ego, and Galadriel too, while we’re at it. I didn’t like how they seemed to have such an advantage over everyone else. Everyone just naturally adored them without questioning anything. If I hear someone uniformly raved about, I am automatically suspicious.

But if you get to know the history of the whole thing better, you realize that Legolas is pretty low on the ladder of elvishness. He is a low Elf, an Elf of Mirkwood, of all places. He has never visited the Blessed Realm. He has never seen Telperion or Laurelin, the trees of Valinor that seem to bestow so much significance to all those weird Elves.

Having Legolas represent the Elves on the Fellowship of the Ring is kind of like having an American teach English literature in China. Maybe people who don’t know any better will respect her, and she certainly has some advantages over a Chinese person, but chances are she feels sort of like an imposter when explicating Shakespeare and Keats. So when you know that Legolas isn’t really on the inner ring of elvishness, you can deal with his smarmy singing and keen vision and everything and start to admire his positive attitude.

So back to Galadriel. She seems like the noblest, purest, loveliest character ever (and thus seems completely bland to me) unless you know her history and know that she is a major historical rebel, actually forbidden to go back to the Blessed Realm because she scorned authority. Once you know that, you can reread all that nauseating stuff about her singing from the boat and actually sort of feel some sympathy for her.

This seems to distantly resemble the problem lots of people, including me, have with God. Since no one is allowed to say anything against him, it sounds a little bit like party-line propaganda all the time. We wonder deep down if people aren’t being completely straight with us when they talk about him (and of course lots of times they aren’t).

But what is cool about God, if you know him better, is that he is kind of the anti-god (if I’m allowed to say that). If you really pay attention, you notice that he survived some humiliating and embarrassing things and continues to do things we don’t really expect from God, like giving other people credit they don’t deserve and like forgiving everything, which is the metaphysical equivalent of cleaning the bathrooms. Is there anything more humiliating than giving up ever mentioning the bad things people have done to you?

Tolkien chooses not to mention Legolas and Galadriel’s history in the entire Lord of the Rings. He’s content with the possibility that you don’t entirely understand them. But if you care enough, you can go to the other writings and find all that stuff out. I think that God might be like that with himself. He lets us be oblivious if we want, and it’s all OK, because he’s gracious. But I’ve heard people talk about our own pain as a gift from God, and maybe the gift part of it is getting to understand him better. We forgive because we are forgiven, but we also learn how much it means to be forgiven when we forgive. I don’t really know any of this from experience. These are just guesses.

I can’t really compare my experience to God’s in any meaningful way, or Galadriel’s or Legolas’s for that matter, but what I’m trying to express is that they all seem to have interesting and unexpected character depths, and there’s a good chance we misunderstand them if we don’t know their history. That’s all.

Feels like spring


During the past weary months, Shelley’s lines changed seasons in my head:
If summer comes, can fall be far behind?
We Texans are coming out of our caves to breathe the fresh air and sunlight after weeks and weeks of over-100-degree temperatures. So, even though fall is what we expect to happen next, can you blame this poor mole for sniffing spring?

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Satanic Verses

I feel a little bit bad posting this and pushing Tree's lovely cockroach post down the page, but I suppose she'll appreciate having someone else post something.

The topic is a book, of course - The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. I liked it; I'd say it ranks second out of the Rushdie books I've read, better than Shame and Midnight's Children, not as good as Haroun and the Sea of Stories which is just phenomenal. Rushdie, as usual, has an amazing ability to do what he wants with the English language, to use it in nontraditional ways that really leap off the page. Unfortunately, as with all his other books except for Haroun, the plot is mostly arbitrary, doesn't make much sense, and seems to serve as only a backdrop for the verbal pyrotechnics.

The device I liked in the Satanic Verses is that the book is told mostly in omniscient third person, with the very occasional first person note from the narrator, who turns out to be Satan and only intervenes occasionally. This strange narrator's presence is important in the book but done very subtly.

If, by chance, you want to know what was going on in this book, why the death threats, but don't want to commit to reading the whole thing, I strongly recommend reading only the section-larger-than-a-chapter titled "Mahound." It is the best part of the book, explains why Muslims might be offended, is more or less self-contained, and does not give away much of the plot, so if you decide later you want to read the whole novel it won't be ruined.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Like a cockroach


How strange last night to reenter a kitchen that had moments before been void of other beings and to see one which, although I am no judge of cockroaches’ ages, seemed to have been until recently in the prime of its life, supine and motionless on the floor.

Gratitude followed my surprise, gratitude that the beast was already dead. As much as I loathe cockroaches, I hate killing them more. I have been known to trap them and release them outside. I know it’s stupid, but that’s how terrified I am of matching strength with one of these bugs and exposing its vile guts.

I have had four cockroaches sojourn in my apartment. The first I released to the wild. The second was slain by my valiant boyfriend, in the bathtub, with a shoe. I believe that one was flushed. The third I killed gruesomely, in the sink, with a bread board. He was insinkerated. The fourth I encountered dead, as pictured above. After photographing him I swept him up and took him out to the dumpster with my trash. I must say I am pleased with the variety of these creatures’ ends.

The danger past, I reflected on my connection to the deceased, as John Donne, various Native American spiritual leaders, and many others have taught us to do. Which brings me to the following logic problem: What is the probability that Cockroach #1 was either Cockroach #2, #3, or #4, assuming a closed system of myself and only those roaches mentioned? I will leave that one to you, gentle reader, for now.

The roach and the ruler are good illustrations of a moral principle I’ve been developing lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about how bad it is to compare ourselves to others. I think this is the reason for much of our discontentment. Some good comes of wanting to be the best at certain easily quantifiable deeds which one is uniquely gifted to do. But no good comes of comparing oneself to others in features of personality or even situations of life. We are all so different that it is unhelpful to make these judgments. Comparing ourselves to others is the root of much evil.

There is plenty of biblical support for my thesis, including the tenth commandment, as well as some buddhist principles and important tenets of other religions. But I will provide some down-home folksy real-life examples, since I excel in that type of rhetoric.

Have you ever conversed with someone who complimented you in a way that made you feel like they wanted you to feel sorry for them? You say something unrelated to either of you and this person follows it with an admiring statement about you that really only makes you feel bad because it expresses your friend’s self-pity about not having whatever trait was mentioned. Ridiculously enough, meanwhile, perhaps you like the given person precisely because they are the way they are.

Or you talk to someone who says, “I wish I was more like you,” perhaps referring to the way you deal with grief. Well, in fact, you don’t want this person to be more like yourself. You’ve always been kind of fascinated with the way they approach life. We all deal with grief differently, and just because I don’t cry easily doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. I could take the bait and argue with this person that maybe it’s easier to deal with grief if you do cry easily, because for one thing everyone might feel sorry for you instead of thinking you’re a cold-hearted creep, but that would only be validating the idiotic idea that you can judge these things at all. The point is that we have no idea what other people’s lives are like. Even in the simplest things like how much pain we feel when we’re sick or when we get bruised or when our head hurts, we are completely unable to compare our experiences with others’.

A lot of people give Job’s friends a hard time. They were pretty dumb when they started talking. They shouldn’t have even tried. But who nowadays would sit in silence with a depressed friend for seven whole days and nights and refrain from giving advice? That was pretty cool, what they did. Job is a pretty good example, because he really did have it worse. I say that if people want to think their lives are so much worse than yours is, you might as well just let them.

I want to tell everyone to be happy with who they are (and no, that’s not the same thing as simply being happy, which is not something I feel qualified to tell people to be). It will actually make everyone else happier at the same time. The apostle Paul understands this when he talks about protecting our special differences and not all trying to be someone else. When I look at that cockroach, I do not envy it or wish I was more like it. I can appreciate the cockroach for what it is and then, recognizing that death belongs to everyone, turn my attention to my own responsibilities.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Paying the toll


When I hear someone harping on a pet topic for the sixteenth time, I start wondering, What are the topics that I harp on? If someone who knows me well is sitting next to me, what subject matter fills them with dread when they hear it introduced, because they know precisely which pompous and self-satisfied words will pursue from my mouth?

I have a feeling my antipathy to cars is one of these pet topics. I can’t resist melodramatizing the harm they cause to society (you can see an example of this in the tangentially relevant post describing downtown Addison). A friend of mine has suggested I write a book about cars and the decline of civilization. We’ve even chosen a clever title: Paying the Toll.

Yet everything I experience reinforces my grief about cars. Lately I have been crossing town frequently to visit my watery boyfriend (pictured above at sunset). I make this journey by bike, usually in the dark and half-light of dawn. Well, I was driving along my route the other evening and realized something odd. Although I was driving this ponderous, powerful, multi-thousand-dollar engineering marvel, I had less control and less visibility than I did on my little human-powered shred of aluminum and rubber, at least at that time of day. My windshield was disastrously dirty, so if anything vaguely luminous faced me I was blinded. I was lower down, I couldn’t hear things outside the car, and these pedals couldn’t stop and start this machine as fast as my own two legs could operate the gears of my bicycle. The main superiority of my car was as a shield to me if my irresponsible driving did cause a collision. Forget any other people around.

These physical differences are not the only ones between driving and bicycling. I realized as I drove through the neighborhoods that an entirely different mental process is taking place. When I drive my car, I pay attention to an entirely different set of stimuli. I am behaving as if I am on a larger scale, trying to get from one point to another in the simplest trajectory, as if I am removed from the actual environment like a video game player. I look for large shapes and big moving objects. The streets are simplified. When I ride my bike, I can hear voices and birds and I can see little cats. I can hear whether any cars are coming before I reach an intersection. I have time to think and react to things.

Of course this is why motorists build expressways, to remove the things that might cross our paths, because we don’t have time for them when we’re getting from one place to another. We create an environment that is not suited to pedestrians. But in neighborhoods, cars are operating in an environment that is not suited for them. This is why neighborhoods have 20-mile-an-hour speed limits and speed bumps. Pedestrians in this environment have signs and bumps as protection against the handicapped operators of machines that can kill other people but not themselves.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Pluviosity


I can’t remember the last time I was so happy to see it rain. Check out the U. S. drought monitor.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

My aqueous friend


I’ve always wanted to write a book where the setting is as important as the characters, where places are sort of characters. Maybe someday I will.

How are places like people? You can’t know a place by one visit. It changes expressions and moods each time you see it. It is a great pleasure to repeatedly walk or run a familiar route and see it change as the seasons change. You can’t say you know a place until a lot of time passes.

Places are unlike people because they don’t move. You can go back to them and you know they’ll be there. You can also write about them, anything good or anything bad, without any ethical problems.

White Rock Lake is a place I have spent many hours of my life. I know it better than I know most people. It has all kinds of different personalities to me. Perhaps in the next few days I will indulge myself with some sketches of these personalities.

Meanwhile, I just found a neat website on the birds of White Rock Lake. There is even a page addressing the great “heron vs. egret” confusion. Does anyone else feel like he scrupulously resists saying that the local egrets are generally white?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Friday, August 18, 2006

Trees

I like what’s happening in Addison. I’m not sure how long the town has existed or if it has a historic downtown, but they’ve built an urban center called Addison Circle, with shops, cafes, and markets along the street and apartments and condos above. There are plenty of trees and numerous lovely park squares like you might see in London or Portland or another civilized, people-friendly city. You come out at noon and eat your lunch on a bench, in juniper-shady Bosque Park or along the central mall under rows of redbuds, while people walk around and fountains splash.

Even though it was 95-100 degrees during my lunches these past two days, I didn't sweat. I had my hat and the shade of trees. You only start to sweat when you get into your mobile gas-powered greenhouse and sit still in the sun surrounded by blazing concrete.

In a roundabout at the end of Addison Circle there is a vast blue sculpture. It’s shaped like the end of an elephant’s trunk or a snorkel, from a distance. It’s like a giant blue duct flaring out of the ground. You can see it from all around and it draws you towards this urban center. I can’t say I fully appreciate it, but I figure the fact that it’s blue is reason enough for it to be there. How nice that someone allowed someone to build it.

It looks sort of messy, but you work with what you have, I guess, when you are building gigantic tubular artwork. It seems to do quite well at what it does. It is a circle of big thick blue tubes flung upwards and outwards in exuberant curves, and the ends of them support tubular meshes with signs and figures attached to them. One way I thought about it was that they’re pieces of paper held up to the sky, kindergarten artwork held high in pride, the work of our hands presented for the approval of someone really tall.

I dreamed a few nights ago that I was in an old town of rickety buildings and creaky floors and secret entrances. There were giant owls inhabiting the land. When I finally glimpsed a few of their lower legs through a window, I was thrilled. In the dream, the fact that they were clearly giant people dressed up in ill-fitting brown flannel costumes did not compromise their grandeur. My heart leapt at the sight of these baggy stockings and quixotic hanging flaps of felt.

I saw them gathering outside on the sidewalk and waiting with the more ordinary citizens of the town for the king to come outside. He came out of the modest next-door apartment, and I stood in my musty room with its wooden floorboards, looking at the small crowd through the window, pondering the idea of these people’s allegiance to a king. People in my society would not feel comfortable showing reverence and obedience to such a man. But Giant Owls & Co. were clearly delighted to speak face-to-face with this humble-looking gentleman outside his front door.

Then I was in a big musty room with an old schoolmate waiting for the king to come in. We had written out an important declaration to present to him. He came in, and I knew how the neighborhood folks had felt. What a splendid feeling to be in his presence and to have his ear. I was just about to present my paper when I woke up, to my great disappointment.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Cree

Quote from Great Plains by Ian Frazier -

The fact that their culture tended to fragment itself into so many different tribes and bands was probably a disadvantage to the Indians in the long run. But it certainly was a big help to early pioneers trying to come up with colorful place names.

Cree was the name of one of those tribes. Which practically cries out for inclusion in the Crawdad word ladder. Frazier says there were Plains Crees, Woodland Crees, and Swampy Crees. Though there is a Cree tribe still around today, evidently the original tribe didn’t call itself by that name. They used variations of the word Iyiniwok, which means “the people.”

If you want to hear Cree spoken, there's a treasure trove of stories here.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Bree

I wasn’t intentionally doing a word ladder, but if anyone wants to write the next post titled “Free” or “Bred,“ go right ahead.

For some reason Bree is capturing my imagination right now. What was a city like that housed both men and hobbits? Depending on who you were, you rode a horse or a pony, and the inn had rooms specially intended for hobbits, who were generally between two and four feet tall. But The Fellowship of the Ring says nothing about theater seating, or about doorknob height.

What would such an interracial city be like today? We have our short and tall drinking fountains next to each other, so we know a little bit about this. What about public transportation? Would we have different-sized seats on the trolley? How would we position them to make everyone happy? What about the checkout counters at grocery stores? How high would the pictures in lobbies be hung? What other small but important community decisions would have to be made?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Brel

I have admired Jacques Brel for a long time, but I’ve been afraid that maybe it was a passing crush I would be ashamed of later. He seems like the kind of singer only old women would like. (Why should that stop me, I suppose I should ask?) And he was ugly. The perpetual cigarette may have been charming to his misguided contemporaries, but it doesn’t work on me. And besides, his songs are so melodramatic. But still, I persist in my admiration of this monkey-faced, chain-smoking, philandering dead Belgian. I must try to explain why I am certain he is great. I must confess my love.

“As poetic as Bob Dylan, as introspective as John Lennon, as virile as Bruce Springsteen,” said the program for Jacques Brel Is Alive and Well and Living in Paris, which I dragged my mom to see with me in Fort Worth a couple years ago. Unfortunately, this musical was a false gospel. The English translations of the songs lose all nuance. “If all you have is love” becomes “All it takes is love.” The change of emphasis in the song shocked my tender, Brel-trusting heart when I heard it. Had I misunderstood the song? Had the fact that French is not my first language made the words seem more mysterious and subtle than they were?

Yes, Brel is dramatic. Most of Jacques Brel’s songs drive me crazy, they’re so frantic. Maybe you know his famous song “Madeleine,” which takes you on a riotous ride from hope to obsession to bitterness to despair. You have to give him points for his energy and enthusiasm. But our era is so fond of understatement that he just seems over the top.

By all means, don’t listen to the cheesy “If you only have love.” It talks about healing all our wounds, rebuilding Jerusalem, making the desert bloom, drinking from the Grail, melting all the guns... none of which is in the French. The original song talks about having no other riches than our love and our belief in each other, about offering love in prayer for the evils of the world, simply, like a troubadour. I suppose you have to have a certain tolerance for cheesiness to like it too. But it is still much more subtle.

Let’s leave the humanist manifestos — soit en anglais, soit en français — aside, and analyze one of Brel’s most subdued songs. I’m not sure how legal this is, but it looks like you can download it here.

“Le plat pays” describes a modest subject, Belgium. Its melody is the same three or four notes repeated in a monotonous pattern. Some kind of hokey flute accompanies dear Jacques as he intones his plotless, characterless description of a landscape. He repeats the same word four times in the first three lines, nearly every line begins with “with,” and the second-to-last stanza makes four statements about the sky and even repeats both attributes it is mentioning twice.

In the last stanza, after line by plodding line of landscape features, he begins to show emotion. The volume builds slightly. There is life in his voice, and, finally, a smile breathed into the word “chanter” — singing.

I tried translating it, but am not fully satisfied with my translation. If I manage to make it acceptable, I will share it. The words are simple. Each word is important. And when Brel sings, each word lives. Listen to it even if you don’t know French.

For a fascinating variation (which you don’t have to download), you can listen to him singing the same song in Flemish.

It takes on a different rhythm and color. His love for the words themselves is evident. I don’t care if he is overdramatic. How could you want him not to do what he does?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Kids & Language

A small group from our church spends Monday nights with a Musketian (I probably spelled that wrong) Turk family (and whoever of their friends happen to be in the apartment at the time) trying, through conversation, to help them learn English. They are ethnic Turks from the former Soviet Union, and they speak Turkish and Russian. The apartment complex is home to several Musketian Turk families, as well as other international people, quite a mini-UN.

At a recent visit, the daughter we know (let's call her S) had a friend over who turned out to be from Egypt (M). I asked M, "What language do you speak?"
"Arabic."
"Does S speak Arabic?"
A shake of the head "Turkish."
"Do you speak Turkish?"
Another head shake "Arabic."

I assume M doesn't speak Russian (maybe I should've asked that too), which means they have no common language, other than a very little English. Yet they're still friends. Kids!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Magical Hands


I just learned that Bunny’s favorite book was mentioned in The Washington Post this May.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Once and Future King

This book didn’t seem as great the second time I read it. It’s depressing when that happens.

First, I don’t enjoy fiction that tries to teach politics and philosophy.

Second, T. H. White is very good at showing complex motivations. Arthur is no stainless monarch. Lancelot and Guenever are both heroic and annoying. And White is more generous to the medieval Church than most revisionist storytellers today would be. So why couldn’t he make Mordred a full character? I don’t understand how an author who clearly has the skills to resist this kind of thing could fail so badly in creating this character, the purely evil badguy.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Green leafy vegetables that are preferable to lettuce

I have been accused of running a “literary” blog. It’s true that it has veered that direction recently. But is that all we have to offer? In the spirit of my post on March 14, 2004, I offer a decidedly unliterary addition:

Arugula

Don’t ever change


Now I’m thinking those mix-and-match high school yearbook epigrams were wiser than we thought. I recently read Now, Discover Your Strengths and look at my life and my personality differently.

Yes, it’s sort of a cheesy business management book, but it’s very encouraging and freeing. It simply says to concentrate on your strengths and not worry too much about fixing your weaknesses. We seem to go wrong when we dwell on those things, comparing ourselves to others, getting insecure and unhappy. Why not just let everyone admit what they aren’t and be satisfied with what they are?

My signature themes, by the way, are as follows:

Input
Learner
Intellection
Context
Harmony

This confirms that I am the Übergeek, which is sort of liberating. I can’t pretend I am some big social butterfly or motivational speaker or glittering demagogue. It was a strange feeling to read the descriptions and recognize myself. Apparently there are other people like me. Maybe it’s normal and possibly good to be the way I am.

As Elijah said to the Rabbi Jochanan, “Must not the Lord of all the earth do right?”

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Bloomsday device


Nerzhin alerted me to the machinations of a certain Irish professor, which came to naught this year. Here’s to streets running with rashers, kidneys, and sausages next June!

(If you’re confused, read my recent post on Bloomsday and my yet earlier one.)

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Pepys

If you haven’t had time to look at the links over on the right, I encourage you to visit the diary of Samuel Pepys, a blog that has given me much pleasure lately. I fantasize about reading it every day and gradually getting a sense of life in 17th-century London.

I forget how I found it, but for pride’s sake I would like to point out that I was reading it before the Rabbi mentioned it in the May Books & Culture.

It doesn’t take much time, if you don’t try to figure out who all the people are, which I don’t. It’s kind of boring a lot of the time (not understanding much of it doesn’t help) but sometimes there is fun stuff like this:
...and so home to supper and bed, my head aching all the day from my last night’s bad rest, and yesterday’s distempering myself with over walking, and to-day knocking my head against a low door in Mr. Castle’s house. This day the Parliament kept a fast for the present unseasonable weather.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Housekeeping

(See a post and interesting comments on another book by Marilynne Robinson here.)

When you read delightful writing by a somewhat neglected and very unconventionally-raised child narrator, you wonder if it’s fair to enjoy it. You can’t help feeling guilty as you laugh at the absurdities.
There were now many of these cans on the counters and the windowsill, and they would have covered the table long since if Lucille and I had not removed them now and then. We did not object to them, despite the nuisance, because they looked very bright and sound and orderly, especially since Sylvie arranged them open end down, except for the ones she used to store peach pits and the keys from sardine and coffee cans. Frankly we had come to the point where we could hardly object to order in any form, though we hoped that her interest in bottles was a temporary aberration.
Ruth is a strange narrator. She usually seems unbelievably detached, but sometimes she seems so hopeful it hurts:
There would be a general reclaiming of fallen buttons and misplaced spectacles, of neighbors and kin, till time and error and accident were undone, and the world became comprehensible and whole....For why do our thoughts turn to some gesture of a hand, the fall of a sleeve, some corner of a room on a particular anonymous afternoon, even when we are asleep, and even when we are so old that our thoughts have abandoned other business? What are all these fragments for, if not to be knit up finally?
It’s not exactly a gripping plot, but I found myself reading just to see what she would say next. The book is absolutely beautiful. I would highly recommend it if you can handle such beauty along with some disturbing yuckiness (I don’t mean anything graphic or violent. It’s hard to explain. It’s more of a philosophical uneasiness). But that seems to be the problem with beauty in this world in any case, doesn’t it?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Curse Texas!

Scarcely six weeks after clasping me into her bosom, Texas has spit me out like a piece of gristle.

I used to be pretty gung-ho about running before dawn when it was “cool,” but several times recently I’ve run in the evenings and survived. I thought I had developed tolerance of the heat.

But clearly there is a difference even between 7 in the evening, when I had performed these recent tolerable runs, and 4:30 in the afternoon. Today I was playing the metaphor game to take my mind off the misery. The best comparison I could come up with for my sensations at the moment was the way it feels when you take your bread out of the oven and the hot air comes whooshing up into your face. Unfortunately the whooshing had only occurred when I was running into the wind; on the way back the only movement was life-giving moisture trickling down my body.

Then I saw a happy sight! Ahead there was shade—not tree shade, but cloud shade! A general cloud was providing shelter from the sun just ahead. I thought benevolently of Elijah and his hand-sized cloud. Mine was even bigger and better, befitting this great state.

Then I remembered I was running in the same direction as the wind. The shade was advancing ahead of me! I would never reach it! Curse this abominable state!

I plotted to transfix idle guests at next week’s wedding with my glittering eye, and force upon them my shocking tale.

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
We could nor laugh nor wail;
Something something something something
and cried, “A sail! A sail!”

Why had I memorized such a boring stanza? I wondered to myself. Yet this was the one that kept coming to me.

There was no one to blame for my misery but Texas, who in her laziness chose this angle to sprawl out on the globe, making the entire day inhospitable for humans wishing to take the slightest advantage of their natural mobility.

She has sent me no more glossy water-snakes. The only notable wildlife I saw today was one of those nasty mutant eyeball-looking acorns. Texas, I renounce you!

Catching up too

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman.
Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder.

I learned about Philip Pullman while the movie version of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was in theaters. He is, according to an article I read somewhere, the atheist answer to C.S. Lewis, a writer of children's books for parents who do not want their children polluted by the lies and hypocrisy of religion. The results are quite good and entertaining; I can recommend The Golden Compass (the first in a trilogy called His Dark Materials) even to those who do not want their childred polluted by the lies and hypocrisy of atheism. The story is well-crafted and suspenseful, the characters are thick and believable, and it is a very fun book to read.

Mountains Beyond Mountains is about the life of Dr. Paul Farmer, a doctor and global health advocate who works ridiculously hard to care for those in the world on the wrong side of "the great epidemiological divide." His story is inspiring and more than a little uncomfortable; Farmer's story has the effect of making you feel guilty, indicted by your wealth and privilege. Reading the book you get the feeling that you aren't doing enough, worse, can never do enough, to earn the medical care and public health you enjoy on your side of the great epi divide. Kidder's prose is not ostentatious but still delightful to read; he draws you in to the true story, reveals not just the actions of his protagonist but also his motivations. The focus is always on Farmer, but Kidder gives you just enough of his own experiences and feelings to put the events and feelings into a friendly human perspective.

A small and fairly contrived connection between the two books: In The Golden Compass, the Church is always evil like Mordor is evil in The Lord of the Rings; there is no moral complexity, no admission that maybe some religious people are pretty okay some of the time. In Mountains Beyond Mountains, though Farmer's work is amazing and is rightly the focus of the book, in his story there are others who are important, in particular an Anglican priest in Haiti and a Catholic priest in Peru, who are not just helpful but completely essential to Farmer's success. So in Pullman's fiction, the Church is always hurting and oppressing; in Kidder's nonfiction, the Church is sometimes working very hard to heal and to save.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Catching up

I.
I read The Remains of the Day a while ago, since I had a copy of it and was compelled by Nerzhin's post about Ishiguro. This is a deeply sad, fascinating book.

When the narrator writes, you get the idea of a detached intelligence maneuvering a separate physical entity. Mr. Stevens doesn't talk about getting out of the way; he speaks of moving his "person" into a more convenient location.

Whenever he comes close to expressing his own real feelings, Mr. Stevens slips into the third person. "Naturally, one disapproved of the dismissals." One cannot underestimate the difficulty some people have admitting they have feelings -- and this is what makes the book's ending so powerful. When Mr. Stevens says a sentence that would be banal and idiotic coming from anyone else, it's devastating. One wonders if the author wrote the whole book to show how much meaning that one trite phrase could have in the right hands.

This book could be read as a condemnation of someone who suppresses their feelings. That seemed to be the impression of my peers when we saw the movie in high school. But I think, in a way, Mr. Stevens's professional convictions are actually very strong feelings that get out of hand. It's not that he's cold and rigid; he just gives his heart away to the wrong thing. He was as irresponsible, in his stodgy loyal way, as every starry-eyed romantic youth.

This butler is not all pitiable. One admires his analysis of his life and his place in the world. He was so painstaking and careful in his expressions, and I thought he was admirable in his beliefs about dignity and greatness. It just all went really wrong.

II.
I recently finished The Great Influenza, recommended by a doctor on my employer's Avian Flu Task Force. It was very interesting, and I brushed up my knowledge about hemagluttinin and neuraminidase, which was getting decidedly rusty (oh, all right, my knowledge of them before this book was null. But I am looking for an excuse to bring them up because they're the H and the N in H5N1, which I think is worth knowing. And they have really cool shapes).

I was sort of disappointed by the framing of the story. I kind of thought it was the story of the disease, and thus at the end we would have some exciting description of how we found out what we know now about the flu. During the entire pandemic of 1918-1919 they never figured out exactly what it was, and that seemed to be one of the elements of suspense. But then when they actually do discover it was a virus it's mentioned almost as an aside in a couple paragraphs with no fanfare and no dramatic descriptions of test tubes or bunsen burners or lab coats or anything.

I could have done with less of the sensational writing about the political atmosphere, although I suppose it's better to get mildly annoyed and keep reading than be bored out of one's skull and never finish the book. The author does well with suspenseful hooks to make you want to read on.

It's weird that such a boring and normal disease could still be such a threat. I'm not living in desperate fear of the avian flu, but it's clear that we really don't have that much control over influenza whenever it may mutate into an especially destructive form, as it does from time to time. But it will still be only one of an endless variety of ways to die. We can be comforted by that.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Gilead

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson is literary fiction of the good kind, with little plot to speak of, full of introspection and character study, but masterfully written and ringing true to life. I was reminded of Leif Enger's Peace Like a River, which is also highly recommended. Both books have Christians at or near the center of the plot, and, without hitting the reader over the head with theology or preaching, speak some profound words of truth. I do not know if either author is a Christian, but I would call both Christian works. (Wheaton graduates say together: "All truth is God's truth.")

Gilead takes the form of a journal written by a preacher, John Ames, who has married late in life and fathered a son, whom he knows he will not live to see grow up. So he writes the journal to his son, trying to tell him all at once what most fathers would be able to tell their sons gradually over time. Of course, life does not stop while John writes, and we see him struggle with friendships, forgiveness, jealousy, and worries both weighty and petty as he goes through life. There are many jewels of quotes, which I wish I had written down. As I said before, this is highly recommended, a book to savor.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Bloomsday

My piece on Bloomsday, however obscurely, has been published.

This was really meant to be an introduction to the list of activities and readings I had suggested throughout the day, so it doesn't make quite as much sense as it could have if they had included them, but I'm not complaining. You can also sign up for the re:d Raves eZine, which will allegedly include my contribution this Wednesday, at the site.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Out

"Out" begins in a soulless situation, a lunchbox factory in industrial Tokyo, and it goes downhill from there. Four women who work together at the factory have become friends, partly out of necessity, because it's a grinding environment - men (the men who work in the factory are resident aliens, from Brazil) and women share a changing room where they dress in their work outfits (like scrub suits). Before going on the factory floor they're twice checked for contamination, clean their hands raw with scrub brushes, put their hair in weirdly shaped hats. They stand six hours straight on concrete, working constantly to keep up with the automated assembly line - one job per person: smashing down the cold blob of rice that's plopped out of a tube, over and over; or spreading out the slices of fish, over and over; or whatever. They can't go to the bathroom without first asking for a replacement, and it may be hours before the replacement arrives.

We don't find out until much later, but one of the women had worked in a more upscale place, a savings and loan, until she realized she would never get a higher position, no matter how competent she was, simply because she was a woman. This woman, Masako, becomes the main character in the book, taking charge of the grisly situation the four friends get into.

The book opens with Masako, on her way to work in the factory, thinking, "I want to go home." The thought surprises her, because she doesn't know what home is, let alone where. The things she does in the story ultimately seem like a kind of rebellion - anything, no matter how vile, is better than the hopeless life she leads as a proper woman in Japan. The ending chapter is almost surrealistically violent - but Masako walks away from it free, completely cut off from her past.

I was surprised by this book; it shattered any images I'd had of Japan-as-bonsai, cherry blossoms, silk, politeness. I had lunch with a Japanese friend after I read it - she says it's still true, even in modern Japan, that women are expected to accept situations that are deadening to their hopes. There really are lunchbox factories like that. And it's not just women; evidently Japanese society is undergoing huge changes. "Out" caused a sensation in Japan. It's possible to find an interview online with the author, Natsuo Kirino (accent on the first syllable of each name: NA-tsu-o KI-ri-no) where she talks about Japanese youth using violence as an escape from the traditional societal system.

I'm not recommending this book. It isn't enjoyable to read. But it is thought-provoking, and caused me to reflect on the factors that lead to human choices.